I once told my lifelong friend that she could count on me to hold her ankles so she wouldn’t fall over the cliff. That mental image made us both laugh and became shorthand for the helping support we’d lend each other when things got hard, or we were tempted to fall back on old habits or behavioral patterns.
We were accountability partners for each other for our commitment to personal growth and self-improvement. We made a pledge to seek help when we needed it.
I developed this Cliff Notes section of Trailheads & Pivot Points to be your safety tethers, offering gentle reminders to stay on the trail. Here you will find some of the most common places that can trip us all up when we are “doing the work”.
The Story I’m Telling Myself:
What is the story that you’re telling yourself right now? Is it true? Are you certain? Do a little self-check in to see if you might be giving too much weight to someone else’s opinion. Are you just imagining what their thoughts or opinions might be? Reach out to someone on your personal coaching team for reframing, a fresh perspective or reality check.
What Does Help Look Like Right Now?
This is such a powerful question to ask yourself when you feel overwhelmed or uncertain. What do you need to help you feel grounded, clear-headed and in alignment with your values? If you aren’t sure what you need, try journaling. You can also use your voice message app to talk to yourself like you would a friend. How would you counsel a friend in a similar situation?
What is Your Mindset?
Do you have a fixed mindset? So often, when we find ourselves in resistance mode or feeling that we are not up to the challenge, it is a limiting belief and fixed mindset getting in the way. Adopt a mindset that sets you up for success. Coach yourself up just as you would a friend. Repurpose past experiences to help you tackle the present obstacle. Seek some moral support or good advice from a mentor.
Are you “above the line” or “below the line”?
Brene Brown reminds us to do a quick self check-in. Fear and anger can take us below the line of our values and emotional agility in a heartbeat. We know we are “below the line” when we become a hero, a villain or a victim. (I’ll do it myself, nobody understands, it is all someone else’s fault.). You may need a reset, a 15 minute walk or break, or a reality check to course correct. When we are “above the line”, we see ourselves as a coach, a creator or a challenger. These roles are empowering and are the psychological shifters that keep us aligned with our core values and showing up response-ably.
What are you made of?
When you feel out of sorts, a little lost or challenged beyond your capacity at the moment, stop to ask yourself this question: What are you made of? It is not uncommon to forget about all the prior challenges you faced and how you overcame obstacles when the chips are down. Recall times that you were courageous, resilient, emotionally agile. Speak to yourself in the first person, as if you were talking to a best friend. Remind yourself of what you are made of just as your friend would. Above all, remember that you have grown a lot because of those past adversities. You are now the better version of yourself with more experience under your belt. You are meeting this challenge with more self-awareness, more discipline, courage and skills than in the past.
Why is this happening FOR me?
Ask why this is happening FOR you, rather than why it is happening TO you. This pivotal shift in perspective opens you up to life lessons, to self discoveries you might otherwise miss, to the blind spots you have, or the places where your old habits are tripping you up. When you ask why is this happening FOR you, it bypasses non-productive complaining. It is a powerful psychological shift into accepting your part in why things may be falling apart, not moving the needle or making life harder.
What past experience can be repurposed now?
You have probably faced a similar situation in the past. Whether you learned a lesson the hard way or learned from regret, that past experience can be repurposed to support you right now. Think of this new challenge as a “mulligan or do-over.” You can take what you have learned from the past and apply it today. On the other hand, you also have a past history where you did pull yourself up by your boot straps, where you wanted something so badly, you went all in to reach the goal. Did you ever use your moxy and anger as the dynamo combo for sheer will and determination? If you ever said, “just watch me!” and proved the naysayers wrong — you owned it! Your past experiences can be repurposed over and over. Use those building blocks with confidence.
This Cliff Notes section is ever-evolving. Check back often for more content and helpful reminders. The purpose of Cliff Notes is to help you regain your balance, get a fresh perspective and align with your values.
