Are you familiar with the “arrival fallacy”? It is a common misconception that “happily ever after” is a sustainable state of being.
We tell ourselves that we “will be happy when (fill in the blank).”
We think that once we get that job, find a new relationship, make a certain amount of money, buy the house – we will have arrived! Now we will be happily ever after. The only problem is that reality soon sets in and we discover that the achieved goal does not guarantee us lifetime happiness – and we embark on the never ending story of searching for the next new thing.
The real goal is to find happiness in the every day-ness of our life. We don’t need to keep chasing after something or someone relentlessly pursuing an imagined state of forever happiness. We can cultivate happiness and deep satisfaction in the process of living and building the life we want.
We would never send our kids out into the world with their driver’s license and the car keys without fully preparing them for the inevitable obstacles and opportunities they will most assuredly encounter. We can use this same reframing for navigating life.
Rather than letting an obstacle stop us from getting to our destination, we adopt a plan B or find a work-around. When opportunity knocks, we don’t slam the door on it out of fear or limiting beliefs. We take a serious look at what’s on the other side and if it lines up with our values and long term goals.
Instead of reacting to life with its inevitable obstacles and opportunities, we become proactive and intentional.
This is the “agentic vista” that Scott Barry Kauffman promotes in his book, Rise Above. Just like a scenic vista that we happen upon on a road trip, an agentic vista is one that invites us to stop and take a big picture look at what is possible for us. We have personal agency to make informed decisions that are in alignment with our core values and that challenge us in meaningful ways.
Whenever you find yourself encountering an obstacle or an opportunity, check in here for reframing and repurposing past experiences to give you guidance and clarity.
You’ll find resources, tools and fresh perspectives to help you make sound decisions and map your way towards the goals that matter most.
