It is helpful to know that we are no longer pretending that life unfolds for us in a very linear fashion.
Many decades ago, we did think that there was a natural timeline and checking the boxes were the stepping stones that moved us along from one stage of life to the next. Unfortunately that old premise meant that many people checked boxes that weren’t right for them, or felt like failures if the boxes they checked were not in the proper chronological order.
Fortunately, author Bruce Feiler, course-corrected that old premise with his pioneering and timely study of countless, common life transitions most of us will encounter — they will however not happen in a logical, linear, predictable way. Bruce reveals the truth that in our modern, fast-paced, technologically advanced social culture, our lives will unfold in a very non-linear and unpredictable fashion. The old rules of thumb no longer apply.
Just a cursory glance around you will prove his point.
Young adults aren’t graduating from high school or college, landing a dream job, getting married in their early twenties, buying a house, having 2.5 kids by 35, a mid-life crisis at 40, empty nesters at 50, retirement at 60. That apple cart spilled and now things are topsy-turvy.
Bruce Feiler sets things straight: The paradigm of how life unfolds is now non-linear. It is off schedule, off course, out of sync and out of order. Stepping stones aren’t laid out in an orderly fashion; we will encounter them on the rocky path and we should be on the lookout for them.
There is another noteworthy reality from Bruce: We will experience more disruptions over the course of our lifetimes than in the past. A breach in the unexpected state of things is a disruptor to our present “normal”. Bruce’s study revealed that the number of disruptors a person can expect to experience over the course of their life is about three dozen. That’s on average – one disruptor every twelve to eighteen months.
Bruce’s advice: Don’t freak out, accept the reality that transitions are coming and be prepared for them.
We are so fortunate to have easy access to knowledge, skills and tools that we did not have two decades ago. We can be fortified and well-prepared to meet the challenges, obstacles and opportunities that life will so generously dole out for us. We can reframe, recalibrate and reinvent ourselves in healthy, flexible and resilient ways. This is how we “do the work, in real time”.
In his book, Life Is In The Transitions, Bruce offers the scaffolding and framework that we need when we are in the messy, muddled middle of disruptions to our present normal. We can face those disruptions and transitions as the stepping stones they truly are. Some self-reflection and self-examination are the best starting points.
Asking yourself “who do I want to be in the future? Who am I becoming? What can steps can I take to put me on the right path? What is trying to emerge in me right now?
This isn’t navel-gazing which is what protective armor and outgrown behavioral patterns would have you doing.
This is looking up, around and out at the horizon. This is proactively working with the inevitable growth spurt that is possible when your normal life gets disrupted. How will you growth through the change that has shown up at your front door?
The biggest takeaway that I had from reading Bruce’s book is that there are countless stories from people all over the globe that can serve as the inspiration and motivation we need when we are facing big changes and frequent disruptions in our own life. No one gets out of this life without experiencing many of the 52 types of unsettling life events that deliver conflict, upheaval and stress. All around us are people who are living proof that we can handle what is thrown at us. Their stories of comebacks, reinventions, transformations and overcoming are the very safety net we can fall into safely — and then bounce back, more resilient and agile than before.
In times of transition, ask yourself — who am I becoming?
Noteworthy Resources:
