We hear a lot about being our most “authentic” selves these days, but all too often it comes across as permission to be unfiltered and unchecked. That raw version of us is actually the one that causes us a lot of problems and stunts our growth. If we are taking self-development seriously, our focus turns toward “healthy authenticity”.
Scott Barry Kauffman, a cognitive scientist, coined this term “healthy authenticity” to give us a definitive target. He urges us to balance who we truly are with our impact on others.
The distinction between the unfiltered version of our authentic self and the healthy version is crystal clear.
When people just do what they want without regard for detrimental, personal consequences and have no guardrails for their relationships, they will find themselves in a lot of conflict and struggling to make any sustainable life progress. People who wander through life without helpful checks and balances often have low self-esteem, are very guarded, and have a fragile ego. The struggle is real – that outward, blustery “do what I please” personality not actually getting them what they truly want out of life.
On the flip side is healthy authenticity where we are grounded in our values and have a sense of pride about who we are and how we are showing up in life, especially in the relationships we cherish the most. We take good care of ourselves (physically, psychologically and emotionally). We can move with ease from one of our identities to another because we have a strong core value foundation. We show up fundamentally with great consistency whether we are at work, at home or out with friends.
Scott Barry Kaufman applauds those who can thread this needle with skillful self-awareness: Being the best version of your truest self while balancing your impact on others. This is your inner fulcrum; your actions rest on your values and you can pivot with confidence and compassion.
“Healthy authenticity is an ongoing process of discovery, involving self-awareness, self-honesty, integrity with your most consciously chosen values and highest goals, and a commitment to cultivating authentic relationships.” — Barry Scott Kaufman (from his blog post Authenticity Under Fire, June 15, 2019)
When we are operating with healthy authenticity, we feel good about ourselves throughout the day. We can take stock about catching ourselves before we slide backwards and meet the daily moments of our life with skills and tools instead of old unfiltered reactions.
Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist at the UC Berkley’s Greater Good Science Center teaches that when we “take in the good” in microdoses throughout the day, we are actually rewiring our brains in remarkably positive ways. It becomes more automatic to keep our healthy balance with who we truly are and the impact we have on others. It moves to the forefront of minds and keep us more self-aware.
Healthy authenticity is an integral component of this dynamic new reframing for a lifetime of personal growth. We will be tested throughout our lives with all kinds of challenges; some will be expected and others will catch us off guard. This is the reality of life and the very reason that Scott Barry Kaufman underscores that staying true to ourselves in a healthy way is an ongoing process and not an endpoint. (Just like healthy eating and exercise.)
This commitment requires that we take self-reflection seriously. That we accept the places where we have room to grow and improve; that we treat ourselves with self-compassion, just as we would a friend. The real foothold for developing healthy authenticity is holding yourself accountable to becoming your best self.
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