Will you get the reward now – or later?
Will you pay for it now – or later?
Will you wait for it to fully develop, or jump in too soon?
If you are familiar with the famous “marshmallow test”, the above questions suddenly take on a new perspective. In the marshmallow test, kids were given an opportunity to have one marshmallow right away, or if they could wait – they could have two a little later. It was an elementary test of “delayed gratification”.
It is this very principle of delayed gratification that author Emily Falk builds on in her book, What We Value. Emily encourages us to consider the short term and long term consequences AND benefits of making choices that help us cast votes for our future self.
We can use the concept of the simple marshmallow test to keep us on track for our self-improvement.
Do you remember any of the New Year’s resolutions you so eagerly made on January 1st? How are you doing with those goals?
If you find yourself chagrined as you think back, take heart – you are not alone.
If it were easy to stick to our resolutions, Emily Falk would not have written her book. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, would not need to put out daily reminders of what it takes to reach our longer term goals.
James Clear reminds us that we don’t naturally rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. It is easy to identify the change we strongly desire; it is harder to stay committed over the long haul.
James tells us to pair a new habit or goal with one that we have already established. In this way, it is a bit like “cut and paste”. We get a positive reminder that we already have some good routines in place; that each day we are reaping the benefits of those good habits. Now all we have to do is pair a new habit or goal with the one that is well-grooved.
James reminds us that there is a compounding effect of doing small things, consistently day in and day out. The return on our investment grows significantly over time.
Emily Falk builds on that core principle of compounding interest by introducing us to value calculations. She encourages us to stop and think about the long term benefits of making an investment in our future self – in the present moment.
Emily tells us that all too often, we overweight the value of a short term choice and lose sight of the investment opportunity. Just think about how powerful the money metaphor truly is: we know that if we brew coffee at home instead of sinking $5 into that latte every day, we will delight in the savings at the end of the month. Small changes really add up.
We are also learning how useful the “power of the pause” is for so much of our personal growth and self-development. Give yourself a moment to think about it, before you jump in headfirst.
You are probably learning just how helpful it is to use that pause (the space between stimulus and response) when it comes to emotional regulation – and now you can level up your game by adding a “value calculation” into that place holder.
Ask yourself – what will I gain if I wait? If I put the right amount of weight on my long term goals instead of over-weighting what I want to cave to right now?
The key question to ask yourself as you reach for that bag of chips or cookies, is this: Does scarfing down a bag of salty goodness bring me short term satisfaction while sabotaging my longer term goal of being a mostly healthy eater? A simple value calculation can help you pare down the snacking, a little at a time – and move you in the right direction, for the long haul.
There’s a little psychological benefit baked into this small adjustment: You will actually enjoy that smaller portion much more than if you ate the whole bag. All the goodness, much less guilt. It is a win-win.
Now that you know how this value calculation works, you can scale it up for the bigger goals in your life.
Do you avoid having that hard conversation? If you keep putting it off, choosing comfort in the present moment, you are placing more weight on the present moment and making things harder in the future. Start somewhere; start small – invest in the long term.
Do you struggle with procrastination? Do you put off til tomorrow what you could do today? Make a value calculation. If you tackle just a little of that project right now, how much easier will be to break off another piece tomorrow? Just ten minutes a day, invested over the course of a week means that you have poured a full 70 minutes into one seemed like a formidable task.
There’s another psychological benefit baked in to these small chunks of consistency; you build momentum! Yes, it’s psychological gravity! You pick up more motivation because you see and feel the progress you are making. It does actually get easier.
Pair the advice that James Clear offers with that of Emily Falk. Add a value calculation to the small consistent choices you make each day. Prepare to be amazed at how much easier it becomes to see the real return, over time, on your small personal investments in your future self!
