One of the biggest challenges we face when we are implementing a new habit, or changing a system that no longer works, is catching ourselves before we fall back on our old ways.
We have to catch ourselves in the act of slipping backwards.
There are all kinds of silly hacks to help us with this challenge. You can put humorous stickers and post-it notes on the bag of chips to help you resist temptation. James Clear tells us you can put your sneakers by the front door to serve as a reminder to go for that short jog or brisk walk first thing in the morning. You can use apps to help you get off your phone or to do a little check in about your emotional state.
All of these tips and tricks are designed to help us act “consciously and with good intention” not unconsciously from force of habit. If you look at the examples above, you will see that each hack is intended to stop you long enough to “catch yourself in the act.”
Perhaps what we really need is to stop sleep walking through our lives, operating unconsciously and on auto-pilot most of the time.
Rarely do we stop and ask ourselves “what am I doing right now?”
Be honest with yourself — how often do you pick up your phone and start scrolling without a real purpose? Do you have certain times of day when you automatically reach for that phone and cuddle up for some satisfying dopamine?
I did this little inventory myself recently — and realized that I was reaching for my phone more out of habit than with a genuine purpose in mind. I also became keenly aware that most of what I consumed when scrolling was no more nutritious than the chips. Salty and satisfying in the moment but in the aftermath, I wished I had chosen something healthier.
Part of catching ourselves in the act when we commit to a change, is setting up a better system. Build a better mousetrap. Figure out what your patterns of behavior are, slot the times when you are most prone to fall into creature comfort and old habits, and devise a new system.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, makes it very clear: We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the levels of our systems. We need to devise a system that shifts us from acting out of old habits and into conscious choice.
To help us with catching ourselves before we fall back into old ways, we can pull a thread from Simon Sinek — what’s your why? Why is this change important to you? Why are you willing to invest in a new habit, a better system?
Dr. Emily Falk, the author of What We Value, tells us that what often trips us up is that we “overweight” the value of the immediate decision and underweight the greater value of future results. In other words, we eat the chips because it is so satisfying in the heat of the moment. The reality is that a handful of blueberries or a crisp apple would reflect real results on the scale in a few days. (See how easily we fall into the trap of chips vs. apple?)
James Clear also reminds us that when we make a better choice, we are casting a vote for our future selves. Our long term goals and the good system we build to get us there, have a better version of ourselves at the finish line. But all too often, we sub in our “current” self who has less buy-in, less motivation and prefers to goof off like the rabbit in the Aesop’s fable, The Turtle and the Hare.
What we need to do is make sure we are putting the right player in the game. Just like the turtle in Aesop’s file, slow and steady does in fact win the race.
Use Emily Falk’s advice and write down the long term value calculation that you’ve made when it comes to changing a habit or building a better system. The post it notes and clever stickers should reflect the return on your investment in your future self, not be a simple stop sign that you are apt to cruise through without a second thought.
I will let you in on a mind-blowing secret – our brains are very malleable and they love building new neural networks. Those old habits are boring to your amazing brain. Your brain wants to get fired up and turned on to a whole new approach; your brain loves novelty. You can almost hear your brain chanting “out with the old and in with the new” when you come up with a novel new idea and embrace change.
Start small and be consistent.
I started with my phone recently. The value calculation I did was that I want to read more books and spend a few minutes each day learning. Scrolling was nothing more than mindlessly eating chips. It was not moving the needle on my longer-term goal.
I got real about when I am most likely to reach for either my phone or the chips – when I am bored, need a break, or even flat out frustrated. Admittedly, I love a good challenge – so rather than put my phone out of sight, I have my phone right next to a stack of books. A neon post it note straddles the two. It simply says – you choose what’s best for you – in the long run.
What has surprised me more than anything is how easy it was to fall out the trap of reaching for that phone. In a matter of a few days, I don’t even crave it at those times that were very habitual. My books feel more enriching, like a conversation with a good friend – they are fulfilling.
Screen time is noticeably down. The nuggets of knowledge I have gained has been astounding — and gives me fascinating things to chat about with family and friends.
I have drawn a comical little cartoon on my post it note — it is a rabbit and a hare. It is a reminder that slow and steady does in fact win the race, and that someday my happy turtle will be slip-sliding with ease on fast-track new neural networks.
Take some time today to think about a habit you want to break, or a good system you would like to put into place. Do that value calculation and think about casting votes for your future self. Ask yourself WHY this change matters. Use your WHY as a stop sign — why does it matter to you right now that you choose to do something different, with conscious awareness? Can you see the positive change that lies ahead, one baby step at a time?
Remember that your brain gets activated in a very positive and supportive way when you embrace change. Picture your brain like high speed internet zipping along with ease, tapping into working memory and jumping over obstacles like a skilled snowboarder. That’s what you are building when you break up with old habits – stronger, more flexible neural networks.
