This whole business of “self-help” needs a major update. We are not projects that need to be fixed. We are ever-evolving and continually making self-discoveries.
We would never tell our kids that their evolution from infant to young adult is all about finding the gazillion things that are wrong with them. Why then, do we persist in framing lifelong personal growth as an endless quest for all that things we have to overcome?
Let’s turn this unhelpful notion on its head.
Self-actualization is a call to adventure. Poet Mary Oliver offers the invitation to our human exploration: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
I have often reimagined a dramatically different visual for resource material when it comes to self exploration and personal discovery: A greenhouse library or a well-stocked base camp.
Imagine a stand-alone building rather than a small section embedded in a corner of the bookstore. Imagine how inviting it feels to pull up to that building with eager anticipation curious about dynamic gear and wizardly tools displayed inside. Can you feel the excitement of talking with an experienced guide who can help you choose the best gear and tools for your exploration?
Welcome to a paradigm shift.
Let’s pivot to a dynamic, evergreen landscape of lifelong learning and personal growth. Let’s change the vernacular and call it what it really is: self-actualization.
Self-actualization is the psychological “process” of reaching your full potential, becoming your authentic self, and fulfilling your unique capabilities and purpose.”
Let’s acknowledge that “change is the constant” in a life well lived. Our goal should be to build our skills and self-awareness as well as physical, psychological and emotional agility to navigate this inevitable, continual change.
What we are being invited to consider is becoming very proactive in life, preparing ourselves to meet challenges and grow through our experiences.
What we have learned from the old approach is that we spent far too much time being reactive to life. We got trapped into believing that we were helpless when it came to setbacks, obstacles and curves that life would throw at us. When we hit rock bottom, we’d assume we were broken. We’d crawl to the self-help section looking for crutches and bandaids.
My very wise, late husband was ahead of his time – and he offered a lot of sage advice that he would impart with a wink and a mischievous smile. It was almost as if he knew the secret to life and he wanted to let the genie out of the bottle! He would say this: “The future belongs to those who prepare for it.”
Now I am letting a genie out of the bottle: Being proactive and well prepared for what life has in store for us is the pivot point. No more scouring for self-help when we are at the end of our rope. Flip the paradigm. Build your muscle memory and core strengths to meet the challenges in life with confidence, resiliency and curiosity. Find out what you are made of!
Life shouldn’t wear us down. Life is cross-training. It is a call to adventure. It will test us for sure. We often discover that we were up to the challenge, but frankly make it much harder than it has to be.
We are at a big inflection point in our human evolution at this very moment. We have the Harvard study on happiness that has gleaned thousands of real life examples showing us the myriad of ways that we humans meet the common peaks and valleys in our lives. Some people are more resilient; others struggle.
All that data that Harvard has collected could be dumped into AI and in a nanosecond produce the list of common life events we will all face. Not surprisingly, AI could also produce another list of the patterns of behavior and protective armor that generations before us have relied on to navigate life.
And the incredibly fascinating discovery that AI could also reveal: the social culture of each generation has a HUGE impact on us; each generation has faced unique social conditioning that created artificial obstacles for our natural human evolution.
Here we are – at a tipping point as we head into 2026.
Those who struck out to explore what is possible for us are the pioneers and transformational activists that are sounding a clarion call for this huge change in our approach to personal development. People like Brene Brown, Dr. Marc Brackett, Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, Mark Manson, Maria Shriver, Dr. Michael Gervais, Rich Roll, Esther Perel, Terry Real, The Gottmans, Dr. Becky Kennedy, Suzy Welch — they all have gear and tools to bring to the table.
No more waiting until life gets too hard and it becomes as plain as the nose on our face that a change is in order.
We have 3D vision goggles now and we have a clear understanding of what lies ahead. The future belongs to those who prepare for it.
You have agency – you have unique talents, gifts and strengths. You will spend a lifetime growing forward – do it with intention and clarity. Embrace lifelong learning and unlearning; it is a seasonal cyclical process just as the four seasons of nature.
That old approach and cringy “self-help” labeling is in the past.
Looking forward, embrace “self-actualization”. Gear up and get skilled with tools to empower you to meet life in a strong athletic stance, agile and well-resourced.
Jumpstart your transformation with these resources:
I built a new website with this fresh approach to dynamic personal growth. You are here – on my website – so head over to the Base Camp tab and fill your backpack with gear and tools.
Mark Manson built his Purpose app (with generative AI) to quickly scale our collective grasp of this dynamic new approach. Check out and use the app: Purpose
Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman offers his own program for Self Actualization. Check out his website Scott Barry Kaufman
Dr. Michael Gervais, host of the Finding Mastery Podcast, offers a “Vision” workshop worth its weight in gold. Finding Mastery
Read and follow Dr. Marc Brackett for all his activism with emotional intelligence. Dr. Marc Brackett
