Do you have any idea what is happening in your brain when it’s under the influence of disagreement?
I grew up in the era where proactive campaigns were launched to help people understand that their brains – under the influence of drugs or alcohol – were causing them more harm than they realized.
So many people believing that throwing back a couple of drinks or using some drugs was simply taking the edge off. In an attempt to numb whatever pain or stress they were feeling, they actually were tampering with their mental health. One stark image is still emblazoned in my mind. It was the contrast of a picture of a fresh egg and a fried egg.
That very image came right to the forefront as I read about our brains on disagreement in Leading for Tomorrow. Turns out our brains on disagreement are just as scrambled as our brains under the influence of numbing substances.
The chapter entitled “Your Brain on Disagreement” is written by Jonathan Haidt and Caroline Webb. Jonathan is well known for his acclaimed book, The Anxious Generation, and is a leading activist for age-gating phones and social media for our youth. Caroline Webb is one of the world’s leading experts in Leadership Intelligence using behavioral science research as a foundation.
Both Jonathan and Caroline were tapped to contribute to the this compelling new book about an emerging new approach to leadership by unlocking our full human potential. The timing could not be more critical. Just as we are wrestling with how to work with AI, we are being educated with clarity about the wonders of the human brain.
Jonathan and Caroline cut to the chase to reveal to us what is happening to our brains on disagreement. Prepare to be amazed at what is really going on under the hood when we disagree. You can extrapolate this knowledge out once you understand it — start with a simple, familiar disagreement that occurs regularly in your family and then expand it into the workplace or politics.
Here are the critical diagnostics of your brain operating under the influence of disagreement cited by Jonathan Haidt and Caroline Webb:
- None of us ever sees the full picture of anything.
- What we do notice is strongly shaped by what we already think, feel and want to be true.
- On top of that, our initial reactions to others’ views are often driven by rapid moral intuitions that occur below the level of conscious awareness.
Why it is practically impossible to see the full picture in an instant:
Our brains don’t have enough conscious attention available to process all the trillions of bits of information that surround us, so they are constantly filtering out much of what’s happening, without us even realizing it. (page 131, Leading for Tomorrow)
In the heat of the moment of disagreement, our brain is processing so much data, so fast that we could easily be flooded. Our brains are solving for this dilemma by filtering. There is no way we can instantaneously see the big picture all at once.
There are 3 types of filtering systems in our self-fulfilling perceptual loop:
(1) Inattentional blindness or inattentional deafness. Yes, this is the reason for our blind spots.
(2) Confirmation bias. We are immediately prone to pay close attention to whatever confirms our assumptions.
(3) Echo Chamber. Our brain latches on to anything that echoes what we have recently experienced or encountered. This is how we get so easily triggered emotionally. Even being in a bad mood can make us perceive a threat where there is none.
We instinctively operate on gut reactions – that instantaneous feeling of right or wrong:
We have a spontaneous gut reaction in social situations. Things feel right or wrong the instant the facts are presented to us. As Jonathan points out, when our gut reactions combine with confirmation bias we become morally motivated post-hoc reasoners.
What is that – a post hoc reasoner? It is when we are driven to find that evidence that supports our pre-existing beliefs and our personal values. This is what drives us right down a rabbit hole. We get so caught up in our own biases, perceptions, values and opinions that we can’t reasonably and objectively weigh all available information.
It is this very post-hoc reasoning that leads us to believe that we are all living in different realities. But the truth is that each and every one of us has just created a different mental map of reality. It is the very reason that we can share a common experience but come away with very different interpretations of that singular event.
Let’s summarize before we factor in two more key ingredients:
It’s hard to get the big, full picture when we are immediately on information overload. Our brains rely on a 3-part filtering system to help us make sense of an unfolding experience. That filter system has blind spots, scans for confirmation bias and has an echo chamber. Our gut reaction has only two choices: right or wrong.
Now just pause for a few moments and do a little reality check. This is your automated operating system. All this happens on auto-pilot at lightening speed. This will feel like your “comfort zone”.
We all know what it feels like to be pushed out of our comfort zone. We don’t like, not one little bit.
Jonathan and Caroline know full well that when we are all sitting in our comfort zones with a natural resistance to rethink, reflect and challenge our beliefs, that is when we double-down and up the ante. No wonder it is so hard to find common ground. We get rigid, protective and defensive.
What drives us deeper into disagreement?
- The more annoyed or upset people get, the harder it is for them to see any areas of agreement.
- When people feel they’re not being listened to, it can trigger a stress response that impairs their reasoning and mental flexibility.
Here is what might surprise you. When we are annoyed or upset, our brain amplifies the differences. Even if we have 90% common ground, the 10% that is different from another person’s gets bolded, highlighted and underscored. It is like a flashing neon sign that cannot be dialed down easily.
Just when we most need to focus on the 90% that would help us reach agreement, we are giving all our attention and inner resources to that 10%.
The other big piece of the puzzle is that we all have a very basic psychological need to feel competent and socially connected. Not feeling heard pulls the plug on both those basic needs. When we feel disconnected, we become hyper-vigilant. This is the very visceral state of feeling on edge or like you are jumping out of your skin.
Jonathan describes this defense mode like a short-circuit that prevents us from thinking more expansively and generously. Simply put, it becomes nearly impossible to take in anyone else’s perspective.
Duly noted: Disagreements leave us feeling drained, unpleasant and often on shaky ground.
We will struggle to find common ground and resolve our disagreements if we have no understanding of how our brain operates on disagreement without discernment.
Take heart and have hope. Jonathan Haidt and Caroline Webb are here to teach us how to shift from unconscious autopilot when we disagree to a more conscious, empowered approach to finding common ground. They offer 5 steps that bridge the gap and help us stay connected to each other even when we differ. But before you rush off to read part II of “Your Brain on Disagreement”, take some time to absorb what you’ve just learned.
For now, it is more than enough to simply let what I have shared today really sink in.
A very important step in the integration of basic brain knowledge and better operating tools is to understand where you are coming from, first and foremost. You can be on the lookout for the ways you get stuck when your brain is on disagreement.
If you didn’t have this self-awareness, you wouldn’t even be motivated to change how you deal with disagreements. And now you do!
Be on the lookout today for information overload, confirmation bias, blind spots and echo chambers. That’s a really good place to start when it comes to seeking common ground.
Noteworthy Resources:
