Did you ever find yourself fuming with anger over something you just said or did? Somebody got under your skin or ruffled your feathers and made you act out of character.
In your mind, the story you are telling yourself is that another person made you do something that you now regret. You blame them for pushing your buttons and making you lose control.
If you wanted to be jolted back to reality in times like this, consider the wisdom that Mark Manson extols:
“Who you blame, is who you give your power to.”
Just imagine for a moment that you see that situation from an entirely new perspective. You’ve just let a cranky toddler or moody teenager take control of you.
We give away our power, our agency to make good choices, when we let ourselves lose control.
When we slip into “reacting” or “over-reacting”, we are caught off guard by an emotional trip wire. We let our initial emotional reaction coursing through us render us to feel helpless.
We give away our power to respond. To act responsibly.
We just need more practice with the “pause”. That space between stimulus and response. This is where we become proactive, responsible and self-aware enough to retain our power.
When we let a small child ruffle our feathers and push our buttons, we actually shrink ourselves down to their size and abilities. We end up matching their emotional energy and skill sets.
Can you picture yourself in the driver’s seat of your car suddenly much smaller and barely able to see over the steering wheel? That’s a powerful image of how we inadvertently give away our power. We become as indignant as the toddler and blame them for making ourselves smaller.
Here’s the flex – start using that pause between stimulus and response as your changing room. Imagine yourself donning a bright red superhero cape and a light saber if it helps. You are not going to give away your power! You are going to act responsibly.
Reactions are for toddlers. Responses are the superpowers of being an adult with agency. You are in charge and you can meet the moment by choosing to respond in a response-able way.
Remember Mark Manson’s sage advice, the next time you are tempted to blame someone else for how you handled yourself. Did you just give away your power to someone who actually needed your help to find their own?
“Who you blame, is who you give your power to.”
Trust me, as you reflect on this — you might find yourself laughing at how easily you give away your power when you are quick to blame.
Chuckle along with this animated video featuring Brene Brown on the topic of blame:
