There is a gift that comes when we can embrace the many paradoxes that exist in our lives. Two opposing things can both be true. Paradox was never meant to tear us apart or keep us feeling conflicted.
Paradox is intended to help us stay balanced by straddling that tension between what might seem like polar opposites. Paradox is “both/and”.
We can be very angry, yet keep that in check as we compassionately care for others.
We can be very scared, yet find our courage and meet the moment bravely.
We can fiercely wish for things to be different all while accepting reality and begin to pick up the pieces.
It was more than a few years ago that Brene Brown, best known for her viral Ted Talk about vulnerability, reframed paradox for us in a pivotal way. She wanted us to stop playing an internal tug of war, choosing to be lopsided by leaning too hard on just one side of this equation.
She offered this: “Paradox is a core part of the human experience and a critical component for our wholeness. True understanding comes from being able to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas simultaneously, rather than choosing one over the other.”
Brene wrote a book entitled “Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead” where she emphasized the importance of leaning hard on our courage when we feel vulnerable, afraid or have a fear of failure.
She reminded us that vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, change, love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is in our most vulnerable moments that we can regain our balance by straddling the tension we will most naturally feel between vulnerability and courage. A simple, yet powerful, paradox.
Brene wrote Rising Strong.
Scott Barry Kaufman recently wrote Rise Above.
In his book, Scott builds on Brene’s teachings about paradox being a core part of our human experience by revealing how adversity and our inner strengths are travel companions.
We often make some of our most important discoveries about ourselves when we are faced with what feels like insurmountable adversities. We don’t really power through these moments, we get in the arena. We rise up out of the ashes of our biggest challenges.
It is not an anomaly that we are offered powerful metaphors to “rise to the occasion”.
When we do rise to the occasion, we make the efforts required to deal with challenging situations. We find a way; we do straddle the tension between caving or collapsing; we get up and do something.
Ask anyone who has ever come through a very difficult life adversity like fighting cancer, the loss of a loved one, rebuilding a home after a fire or hurricane – and they will surely tell you that it was a slow and painful process, one step at a time.
Sometimes they even took a few steps backward before they regained some balance, finding momentum to pick up where they left off; to keep going.
Brene Brown has also reminded us of this very powerful fulcrum: “The center will hold.”
Our human center that holds us together, is this: It is where we make meaning out of our hardest challenges.
We ground ourselves in making sense of things that often make no sense in the moment. Another powerful paradox.
Someone who survives cancer might raise awareness and money to support research. A person who loses a loved one may lead a support group in the future, become an advocate for a cause, create a new safety product or provide grants.
Communities who come together and rebuild after natural disasters often learn more about their neighbors and natural resources than they ever thought possible. They come together at the lowest point and rise out of it stronger, more connected and stronger as a result.
When facing two seemingly opposing truths, remember that you do not have to choose between them. Your center will hold while you straddle the tension.
You will make some of your most transformational self discoveries in moments like this. Your travel companion for hard times is your character strength. Instead of looking down, keep your heart and eyes on the horizon. You are rising strong.
