It was a very rocky start. My foray into personal growth feels like it began in the dark ages. I cobbled together some pretty odd resources on my quest to figure out why my life was so discombobulated. A Time magazine devoted to mindfulness, a non-violent communications program on Gaia, Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, Flourish about post-traumatic growth, Dr. Rick Hanson’s book Hardwired for Happiness. A real mish mosh of ideas, practices and concepts that didn’t seem to fit together. It was a bread crumb trail I pursued in my attempts to find a needle in the haystack.
This may surprise you – but that disjointed approach to finding the help I needed was less than 2 decades ago. And yes, in a way — it really was the dark ages.
These days, I like to reframe the beginning of my quest as the makeshift greenhouse where diverse seeds of change were gently planted and given room to grow. How incredibly fascinating that my budding interest in getting to know myself better quietly coincided with discoveries being made in fields of research.
To some degree, we were all in the dark just twenty years ago. We had no idea how our bodies and brains actually work in tandem, how our emotional intelligence was an integral component of our core operating system. Emotions seemed as complex as fine-print Ikea instructions, so we left them boxed up, uninstalled. We were all meandering around in the dark, bumping into each other, confused and clueless.
What was happening back then was nothing short of miraculous. Organically, seeds of change were beginning to sprout across very diverse fields of psychology, behavioral science, neuroscience and emotional intelligence. The conditions were right for breakthroughs, for new discoveries, for collaboration. For the first time, instead of keeping all this research segmented and compartmentalized, a novel new idea sprung up like Jack and the Beanstalk. What if all this knowledge and new understandings were meant to work in harmony, much like nature?
Since the dawn of time, man has struggled with the same perplexing age old questions. Had we missed the most salient part of why we struggle because we omitted the “nature” part of being human?
Leave it to humans to pull apart what is best when it works in harmony, as nature intended.
Just imagine that twenty years ago, some curious researchers all got together in a greenhouse and said “what if we shared our work, our hypotheses and our novel ideas?” A fresh new approach to demystifying the most complexing parts of our human nature.
In a sense, that is what exactly what happened. Brene Brown became a pioneer who brought shame and vulnerability out of the dark. She plopped it square in the middle of the bright sunny greenhouse and said emphatically “we need to shine some serious light on this icky stuff”. Dr. Marc Brackett courageously stepped out of the shadows and put emotional intelligence right next to shame and vulnerability. “Same, here” he nodded to Brene. “We have a lot to work with, but it’s all tangled up. I’m pretty sure we need this stuff we put in cold storage.” Dr. Richard Schwartz waltzed in like the Pied Piper with a parade of little people dragging their feet. “Meet the parts of yourself that have something important to share,” he announced. A small group of psychologists entered the spacious greenhouse with an assortment of shifters, multi-purpose tools and reframing kits. Their excitement about how these tools could be put to good use was palpable.
I like to think of that greenhouse coming to life as fantastically as Charlie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. So much curiosity, experimentation, limitless possibilities, a melding of passions and purpose. Unique and extraordinary connections coming to life through all this teamwork.
In just under two decades, we have actually grown astronomically in our understanding of human nature – of how our brains and bodies work. Science has proven we do have gut instincts, factory-installed default networks, and that emotions are integral to our core operating system.
What started out in that greenhouse as assorted seeds in tiny pots took root. The willingness to work together and share data in an environment that encouraged each seed to sprout produced what we have today. A whole new ecosystem flooding us with working knowledge — that really does work like it is supposed to.
In under 20 years, we have gone from cobbling together random resources in a haphazard way to get to know our human nature and find our potential – to having access to the most wondrous mega-store of knowledge, skills and tools with seasoned, enthusiastic wayfinders eager to help us get on the right path.
The collaborative and intentional work of people like Dr. Brene Brown, Dr. Marc Brackett, Dr. Richard Schwartz, Dr. Michael Gervais, Dr. Andrew Huberman, Dr. Adam Grant, Drs. John and Julie Gottman and Dr. Becky Kennedy have made this all possible.
All those seeds have sprouted, co-mingled and now are braided together in the most cohesive fashion we have ever had at our disposal. It is an extraordinary time to be alive, to borrow the wisdom of Hamilton.
You do not have to cobble together the resources that you need to guide your life with intention, knowledge and skills. We have the deeply rooted system to support us all in much healthier, resilient and empowering ways.
We’ve come a long way, baby! The hardest part of that overgrown trail has been blazed. Don’t delay getting out there and exploring your own human nature.
